Transference - is a phenomenon characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another I usually talk about words that I think have great meaning or a great sound, just words that attract me. Well. Just so you know....I hate this word and the meaning behind it. Maybe it has something to do with 'transference' towards the word (okay a little too deep for me).
Our mother always told us that if we found someone we didn't like,it was probably because of something of ourselves we saw in them........ teaching us about transference early. And I HATED it everytime she said it. So when I find someone that I dislike because they're bossy....ouch. So when I find someone that I dislike because they're opinionated ....ouch. So when I find someone that I dislike because they're a bully.... no, I am not a bully, everyone does or should dislike this. But you see my point. Okay, you know how I always give you a job to do...here it is. Think of someone you dislike and see how they are like you. YES THEY ARE. Honesty is the key here. It's not fun....but all this unfun stuff is suppose to be character building and don't we all want to be 'character-ful'? Listening is a gift. I don't mean the casual 'Hi how are you, I am fine' listening. But the hearing what one's heart is saying. Where you feel their pain or sadness or joy. When the emotions of their words touch a place in your soul and connect you to their story. I don't have a very long attention span. I must be doing or going or talking or entertaining my mind with the next thing. And that's not a good. Sara-Claire has always told me I need to enjoy this moment I am in. When they were young I was thinking of them being grown or when they visit, I am thinking ahead to when they have to leave and how much I will miss them or how I could make their next visit better or ...... you get the picture of my unmature mind. I think that is how my listening is also. My 'what's next' attitude hinders my hearing. Maybe it's my age or having a friend tell of her mothers passing or thinking of my children's upcoming birthday but I want to give others the message "I Care About You" So, this is my hearing excerises Listen. • Don't interrupt. • Don't finish the other person's sentences. • Don't say, "I knew that." • Don't even agree with the other person, just listen! • Don't use the words "no," "but," and "however." • Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with how smart and funny you are. Your goal is to let the other person feel that. So the next time we are talking, I hope I grab every word you say and hold it close to the ear of my heart, so you know how wonderful you are to me. And if I'm not listening,
please knock me up side my head and tell me I need some more work!!! The listening excersises came from Marshall Goldsmith: How to Be a Better Listener No!
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